I walk alone…
May 11, 2009My star sign on new.com.au (in the entertainment section 
) was good today. He is quite the philosophic astrologer so I enjoy reading them …
There are some lessons in life that you only ever have to learn once. There are others that must be learned over and over again. One encounter with fire, for example, is sufficient to ensure that we treat it with respect for evermore. How often, though, do we burn our inner candle at both ends, completely forgetting what happened the last time we went without sleep? You are now rediscovering a fact you used to be familiar with. This time, if you are wise, you will make sure that you take it totally to heart.
I was a very lonely child. I was teased and bullied and basically shut myself off to stop all that hurting. Then in my 20′s I was in a good relationship and I never felt alone or lonely. It was like I was one of two and I was happy with that. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t know- hindsight is a bitch.
The last month or so in particular I have been struggling with the thought and acceptance of being alone.
There are good things to being alone basically-I can do what I want: spend money how I want; go or not go where I want; lie in bed all day on the weekend reading or mucking around on the Internet; stay out till 2am on a work night; buy and wear clothes that show too much cleavage; live where I want; leave clothes strewn around the room; flirt ridiculously etc…
But the bad thing about being alone is, for example when your pet that you loved for so long dies, and you feel lost. There is no-one who will just hold you and find comfort and peace. Or just sitting with each other- always knowing there is someone…
While I don’t want to be an old lonely woman and I hope that I will find someone else to spend my life with one day; I think for now I need to find acceptance and enjoyment in being alone. Spend more time simply being alone without the TV or Internet or iPod for company. Turn it off and be with me. Go for walks and process the feelings and information that floods my brain instead of ignoring it. Look after my health by getting more sleep. Not always looking for something to occupy my time. Not go out so much during Add Newthe week and even STAY HOME on a Saturday night! LOL
Boulevard of Broken Dreams- Green Day
The lyrics of this song really encapsulate how I feel. I love that it is serious but the tempo and tone of the song is quite upbeat.
I just read this and it’s funny because it is currently 3 am here in lovely Seattle and I can’t sleep for various reasons.
I can totally relate to accepting being alone. I’ve been doing it for the past few months and it is really very nice. I, however, went a little overboard and spent too much time alone and got into my head too much. This was a bad thing for me, because I start thinking all sorts of odd, irrational things. So I know that I need to find a balance of Becky time and social time.
Personal, reflective journeys are the best because learning about yourself, I think, is key to living a happy, fulfilling life. I wish you luck on your journey.